I Am Not Dead, But Here Is My Obituary

In Loving Memory

Recently, my mother-in-law passed away at the age of 88. She had taken care of her funeral planning and most related expenses before she left us. It is clear what her intentions were and she declared an executor for her estate. Thank you Joan!
With all this pre-planning, one of the few things that needed to be accomplished was her obituary. Unfortunately, based on the schedule of the newspapers and funeral home, it needed to be accomplished within the space of about 10 minutes. As with all things “Williamson”, the family rallied and produced all the facts in record speed, depositing them on my desk as I launched the word processor. Creating this data in record time was no little feat as she had 12 children, 29 grandchildren, and 22 great-grandchildren. Leaving anyone out at this point might be forgiven, but never, never forgotten. 
Like a 1930’s movie press reporter, I banged out the story of Joan’s life just in time, as the funeral home and relatives shouted words of encouragement.
So, in the spirit of not letting this happen to my children, herein is described my obituary. 
Before reading the text, a word of explanation is required. 
Because I did not die from my tumor in my teens. Because I did not die in a burning ball of aluminum and jet fuel in my twenties. BecauseI did not die of pneumonia in my thirties. Because I held a little internal celebration when I surpassed my Dad’s age of 44… Well, you get the idea. My current plan is to live forever. So given that, I realize that I will need to anticipate some events in my life which have yet to happen. Those are highlighted in italics so as to make it easier to update as dreams are overcome by reality.
So, without further ado, and with kudos to Sawyer and Finn, I present the following exercise in narcissism in the hopes that I will have the self-control not to fake my death in order to secretly attend my own funeral.  
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On March 23rd 2052, Charles Thomas Vono, age 100, passed away in his bed at home, shot by a jealous husband. 
Charlie was born in Wasco, California March 22, 1952 to Michael Peter and Rose Marie Vono. Growing up in Wasco, he was an avid AAU swimmer and could often be found at the Barker Park public Swimming Pool. He was a graduate of St. John’s Elementary School, Wasco Union High School, and attended Bakersfield Junior College. Charles was a graduate of the United States Air Force Academy in Colorado Springs on June 2, 1976, earning a Bachelor of Science in Astronautical Engineering and a commission as a second lieutenant. Charles’ swimming skills contributed greatly to his squadron success in winning the Academy’s athletic trophy that same year. 
Charles was an Air Force pilot and engineer. He earned Master of Science degrees in Systems Management and Mechanical Engineering from the University of Southern California and Utah State. He attained the rank of full colonel in the United States Air Force. Charles was an engineer and manager with defense contractors TRW, Inc and Northrop Grumman, devoting most of his quarter century career to sustaining the nation’s ICBM force. 
Charles was a cold warrior. He was aircraft commander in KC-135 tankers refueling the SR-71 and dozens of other aircraft. He helped develop the Inertial Upper Stage still used for heavyweight and geosynchronous satellites and interplanetary probes. He dedicated most of his life to strategic deterrence in the sustainment of Intercontinental Ballistic Missiles. In retirement, he volunteered in numerous ways that encouraged the dedication to, and study of, engineering and other technical subjects.
Charles married the love of his life, Juanita Ann “Nita” Williamson Vono on June 4, 1976. He is survived by his adult children, Andrea (JT) Lynn Stemp, Michael (Krista) Peter Vono, and Zachary (Melissa) James Vono; grandchildren Thaddius Stemp, Isabella Elsie LaRue Vono, Henry Charles James Vono, Charles Michael Horace Vono, Prisilla Eugene Amanda Clinton, Rachel Maddow Juanita Vono, Billy Bob Bush Vono, and Wasco “JT” Vono; 23 great grandchildren, 5 great-great grandchildren, and 1 great-great-great grandchild.
Preceding Charles in death was his wife, Juanita; Sisters Susan and Linda; and Sidney Dee Smith, the fellow who shot him. (Charles shot back.)
Charles and Nita lived in and visited many places around the world, but loved their house in Ogden, Utah the most. 
Charles was a beloved husband, father, grandfather, great-grandfather, and…well, you get the idea. He was an avid writer, turning an amateur blog habit into a professional career in retirement. 
A funeral Mass will be celebrated Monday, March 25th at Saint James the Just Catholic Church in Ogden at 11am. The graveside service will be at Gardens of the Wasatch in South Ogden. All are welcome. Landing space is available for personal jet packs.
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If these experiences sound interesting don’t wait for the real obituary to be released! I will be speaking at the Hill Aerospace Museum on 17 January 2015 at 1pm. I’ll talk about piloting Tankers, developing the IUS, and sustaining ICBMs.


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